New poem, guys. Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read it! As always, don't be afraid to speak your mind, tell me if there is anything you don't like, or something you want to see more of. It all helps!
Need to Know
I need to know.
I need to know,
That I don’t have to be perfect,
For you to love me.
I need to know.
I need to know,
That you think I’m perfect,
Exactly as I am now.
I need to know.
I need to know,
That you see me trying,
To be your perfect world.
I need to know.
I need to know,
That I’m your world,
No matter how messed up I am.
I need to know.
I need to know,
That when I cry,
You’ll come running.
I need to know.
I need to know,
That when I feel like dying,
You will show me what it is to live again.
I need you to know.
I need you to know,
That I need your love,
Just to strive for perfection.
I need you to know.
I need you to know,
That I’m willing to change,
Just to show you that I’m trying.
I need you to know.
I need you to know,
That I want to do it all,
In perfection for you.
I need you to know.
I need you to know,
That no matter how much I mess up,
I’m willing to keep trying.
I need you to know.
I need you to know,
That I hate crying,
Just as much as you hate seeing me do it.
I need you to know.
I need you to know,
That when I feel like dying,
I’ll still love you for all I’m worth.
That is a wonderful poem, I love the repetition in it. Well done! :D
New poem, thanks for reading, guys!
Maybe
I’ve hurt.
I’ve hurt so much.
I’ve hurt myself.
I’ve hurt others.
Still I try.
I try to make it right.
I try to make it okay.
I try to fix the damage I’ve caused.
I try to make them feel better.
At the cost of myself.
I don’t know who I am.
I change myself to fit their needs.
I become strong.
I become weak.
Now I don’t know which I am.
I don’t know who I am.
I change myself to make them alright.
I become smart.
I become stupid.
Still I don’t know which I am.
I’ve changed.
For better or worse,
I’ve yet to discover,
But I’ve helped people,
And whether they know it or not,
They’ve helped me.
I’ve hurt,
But maybe that’s what life is about.
Maybe you have to hurt for the people you love.
Maybe you have to be all that they need you to be.
Maybe you have to hold off your own needs,
Desires,
Wants,
And pleasures,
To make your life mean something to another.
Maybe change is good.
Maybe it just takes time
To find out who you really are
And make yourself
Who you really want to be
Even if it’s not for you.
I’ve hurt,
But maybe that’s ok.
Another wonderful poem Dakosha. I do so admire the way you make it feel so poetic, even without adhering to a strict pattern. I mean, it doesn't actually rhyme, but you really don't pick up on any of that because you are so engrossed in the story it is telling. I love it! :) Perhaps I should get on with writing some more myself.... ;)
lol, thank you soo much, thalia. My own writing has been... slow. I've written, what, 2 poems in like, a month and a half? it so sad.... of course, i would love to see your writng, ur own is soo interesting. :)
Sorry, all, i know there havn't been many more poems, lately, but its been a really busy summer. Maybe soon.... maybe..... /sigh
However, i do want to say thank you to everyone who IS reading the few poems. :)
i like your use of repetition especially at the beginning.
the "I’ve hurt" and the "I try to" lines are especially compelling.
I've found writing good poetry relies as much on inspiration as ability, so don't worry too much if your muse is a little slow, just work to make each poem the best it can be.
Wow, long time no type, guys! New poem, and a new song.... the poem is a bit rough, and ideas on how to smooth it out? Here it is:
Ever Wanted
I see you,
Do u see me?
I see you,
Why won’t you see me?
If you would just look,
I would show,
Everything,
I ever wanted to show.
If you would just see,
I could shine,
‘Cause don’t you know,
I want to be everything for you.
Just turn your face,
Look into my eyes,
Listen to what I say,
And know this is truth.
All I’ve ever wanted,
Is to be that one thing,
That one thing,
You’ve only ever wanted.
Ok, so, i know i just teased you all with a song, but i'm dead tired.... so, that shall be my next post. sorry guys, but see ya all later!!
12 years ago
Wed Sep 14 2011, 05:31pm
[act]stares vaguely at the ceiling trying to find something to say worthy of such a poem[/act]
It is wonderful! ;)
Thanks Thalia! So, just for that wonderful comment, u get a song, lol.... [act]Ignores the fact that she already said she was gunna give the poem anyways[/act]
Ok, this is a quircky upbeat love song, i guess.
Rollercoaster Ride
That first moment,
That's when it all started.
Your eyes met mine,
and it was all a rollercoaster ride.
'Cause i was meant for you,
and you were meant for me.
We rode on through,
that rollercoaster ride.
With the ups and the downs,
and the spin-arounds,
we stuck on through,
right onto the otherside.
It was all real fun,
'till it broke on down,
but we built it back up,
and rode on once again.
No time to stop,
no time to spare,
just ride on thru,
this rollercoaster ride.
With the ups and the downs,
and the spin-arounds,
we stuck on through,
right onto the otherside.
We're still on this rollercoaster ride,
with the pain and the hurt,
and the joy and the love.
'Cause you got me and i got you,
and we're going on thru,
this rollercoaster ride.
With the ups and the downs,
and the spin-arounds,
we stuck on through,
right onto the otherside,
right onto the otherside.
lol, ya, just a fun song, hope you guys like it.
ok, i understand the song was a bit odd, but it was fun :P
Im soooo excited, i seem to be writing again!! pls tell me what you think of this poem, and thanks for reading!
Predictable
My life is so predictable,
The ups and the downs,
The laughs and the screams.
My life is so predictable,
In the fact that it hits me,
In a totally unpredictable way.
My life is so predictable,
Like a book in the making,
That will never be read.
My life is so predictable,
Because I know I’ll survive,
Until I don’t.
Because one day I won’t,
And that will be the end.
Life can be so predictable…
But it doesn’t matter,
As long as it’s a life,
That has been lived.
So, does it need a stronger ending? i dont know, the poem just doesnt seem.... entirely right. Again, thanks for reading, tho! :)
I know what you mean about the ending. It is a lovely poem, but the last verse doesn't quite fit.
I think it might be because the first four verses all have 'predictable' in the first line, you switched it to the third for the fifth verse, and left it out of the last. Unless you can think of a way to re-write the last verse or two to make it flow better? Perhaps you could space the images across three verses instead so you can fit the repetition. I am starting to ramble now.... :S
Ok, so how about this?
Predictable
My life is so predictable,
The ups and the downs,
The laughs and the screams.
My life is so predictable,
In the fact that it hits me,
In a totally unpredictable way.
My life is so predictable,
Like a book in the making,
That will never be read.
My life is so predictable,
Because I know I’ll survive,
Until the day I don’t.
Because one day I won’t,
And that will be the end.
Life can be so predictable…
But that doesn’t matter,
As long as my life has been lived,
It can be as predictable as it wants.
My life is so predictable,
But I predict that in the end,
It will all work out.
Should i take out the second to last stanza? or is it ok there? i dont know... what do u all think??
Btw, i just had to mention it... i have another stanze that i love, but i cant fit it in, and its 4 lines instead of 3:
Cause maybe life’s a book,
Read by no one but you,
But at least it’s there,
Ready to be shared.
i think its actually one of my favorite i've ever written, but i just cant fit it in... [act]Cries[/act]
anyways, thanks for reading, guys! pls tell me what u think. :)
maybe the idea isn't to fit that stanza into the poem, it's to write another poem around that stanza? just a thought, it's an awesome verse!
Ok, no poem this time guys, but just a quick update... i have written 2 poems, and they r on pages... somewhere in this house. when i find them and get them typed out i will be sure to post em! hope u guys can wait patiently.....
Well, i found one of my poems... and it half way rhymes!!! lol, im rly excited, i cant beleive i got it to rhyme. So here it is:
The world never loses its light,
It's just covered by darkness,
and hidden from sight,
until the light shines forward,
blindingly bright,
for one beautiful moment,
then losing its might,
to darkness once more,
it fades into the night.
So, there it is, my like first ever poem to rhyme, lol... it also needs a name.... so, any ideas?
thanks for reading, hope u liked it!
Just a thought - I really like to poem, but have you thought about playing with some of the words? There are allusions to hidden/covered light at the beginning of the poem, but at the end it changes to loses/fades - I'm not sure what you're trying to say about the light. Is the light smothered by something else or is it just not very strong?
You could work with the "until the light shines forward" line and evoke an idea of where the light comes from (does it escape? gather itself together for one burst before fading again?)
BTW, I also love the fact that when the light is visible, it's blindingly bright - so you can't see it. Very clever
Well, the whole idea is that the ppl in the world can seem so dark, but then someone does something, and suddenly the world just seems "Blindingly Bright"... until that moment fades and it just seems dark again. Kind of that one light in the darkness type thing.
Does that clear it up at all? if so, do u know any way i could actually be able to say all that in the poem?
Thanks Nef!
I really like the poem Dakosha :) I don't really have any suggestions but, like Nef, I wasn't sure what you were trying to say until you explained it. I still think its good, and the rhyming works well too :D
12 years ago
Tue Nov 01 2011, 08:26am
*sigh* i havnt rly been writing much, i've had alot of ideas... but all for stories! short stories, books.... and i would love ot write it out, but first... To put it bluntly: i need some encouragement.
I had an idea that i could write one or 2 books about cinderella's sisters, and how they really arnt all that bad they were just jealous and envious and such about her, thats why they were mean.... also their mother pushing them to look down on others, and how their mothers views affected them. that kind of thing... you know, the whole poor bully thing, lol. I still dont know if i would write it alternating between the 2, or just do one book for one and one book for the other sister.
Another idea i had was "The Princess Inside of Me". This one may only be a short story, but its about a slave/servant girl that serves a princess. I will probably go along the lines of her father always told her she was a princess to him, and thats why she always envied the princess, but, as the story progresses she finds out the bad parts of being a princess, too. The story would be about how she comes to terms with her life by watching as others live theirs.
As always, i still have that book idea that i showed u a bit of before. I've got more of an idea where that one is going ot end up, but i havnt really written more to it....
Well, those r my ideas, pls tell me what u guys think of it and maybe, just maybe, i can get the confidence to try writing out some of these stories.
12 years ago
Sat Mar 03 2012, 11:51pm
Well, i decided to try writing out some stuff anyways. It's not exactly for NaNoWriMo, as i cant stick to a schedule and my writing rly does come in spurts, but it's either a short story or a book. Heading toward a book, i beleive. Pls Pls read it, and give me a truthful reply. Tell me every single problem or question u have with it. Btw, grammar kind of flew out the window (no pun intended (u shall see ;) ))
Ok, so, first chapter up. I have 3 so far, so when you guys r rdy for more i will post it up. Hope you like it!
I Am Sharks and Sirens
In a whirlwind of emotions,
Love, hate, fear, courage…
I look for the key,
That will release me.
All I find is truth.
Gone to Prodders.
Amazing, as usual. Though a little, ah, creepy perhaps? Very well written though. It definitely isn't the sort of story you would be able to put down half way through....
12 years ago
Sat Mar 03 2012, 11:51pm
Thank you Thalia, that was wonderful timing, i was just saying to myslef "i don't care if anyone's responded, im gunna post another chpater!" and look at that, someone responded! lol I dont mind if it's a little creepy, throughout the story the way she thinks is going to change, should get less creepy. Keep in mind this just a roughdraft, too. I'm already thinking about a few changes i want to make in this chapter, but later, lol. Anyways, here's the next one, hope you like it!
Chapter 2
In a world full of fear,
There is no courage.
In a world full of lies,
There is no truth.
In a world filled with hate,
There is no promise.
Gone to Prodders.
Tell me what you think!
Very nice, I like the way you are beginning each chapter with a poem, it breaks things up nicely. The emphasis on the window having bars works particularly well for me.
Yes, it is still creepy, but I don't see that as a problem. The problem comes from not having the rest of the story to read yet.... ;)
12 years ago
Fri Nov 25 2011, 07:27am
Lol, thank you. I'm glad the creepy doesnt scare ppl away. :) Now, before i post hte next chapter, i need some ideas for names. I wanted a strong name, with courage, and i was thinking Sienna, or something like that. then i wanted something soft, but not... small? weak? i dont know, lol. I don't want Grace, or Marie, cause htat always reminds me of smaller built girls.
My first choice was Sasha, and i love the name, but i had this name picked out for another book i was going to write. So now, i dont know hwat to do!! I need something that gives the idea of a soft strength, not quite fiercness, but a quite courage. Help! lol
BTW, i only have one more chapter written, i'm rly bad about just sitting down to write, but im gunna try. Once i get these names figured out, i'll go ahead and post it.
O! i almost forgot, i actualle need one other name, this time something that gives the idea of gentleness, with steel behind it. I know, they all sound like im asking for the same thing, but it's different! lol, i'm thiking along the lines of Alyss, or Alicia, or even Eliza. I'm really leaning toward Eliza, what do you guys think?
Thanks for reading, and any help you cna give is most appreciated, im horrible at names. Which again reminds me, after we figure out some of these names, i'm gunna need some last names ot go with em. Just a warning, lol. Thanks!
Edit: Ok, i was working on the story and what came out for one of the poems at the begining of a chapter was this:
Strength,
Though it is as hard as metal,
Truly,
It is as warm as a blazing fire.
Thats what i want for the name! Does Eliza work with that? give that idea of steel and fire all in one? With a calming gentleness? I think it does, but i just want to make sure. what do you guys think?