10 years ago
Sun Nov 24 2013, 02:21pm
Okay, so here a poems I wrote about Dragon in her coma. I was feeling really moody after reading a particular bit in The Keeping Place and decided to write a poem about it.
Trapped
Trapped in your ever wandering mind,
Held in a prison in your thoughts.
Will you ever wake up again,
to see the sunlight once more.
How can you sleep so long,
To never be disturbed.
Held a captive in your dreams,
Lying lost, unperturbed.
With you gone, my little bright mane,
What is left to give?
Open your eyes once more now,
So I am certain you live.
Okay here is another poem I wrote:
Fade
Drifting,
Slowly,
they will see.
Falling,
Gently,
they clutch at the key.
Gone,
Disappear,
Make them wish they weren't here.
Let go.
Let them fly away.
Let them fade,
Let my heart break.
Broken,
Softly,
Gone is what I want.
Lie,
Quietly,
Will you ever come back.
Wish,
Dream,
I've given up on that.
Fly free,
Fly away.
Fly with my hopes.
Fly with me gone.
What will I do
Seperated from you.
You're so alone,
noboby can tell.
What do they want from you,
Is perfection.
But all you want to do is fade,
Fade away,
Without you.
Feel free to comment and offer advice, I would really love that! :rolling:
Mystic Ward
10 years ago
Mystic Ward
Twentyfamilies Gypsy
Nice poems Zara, I would suggest you edit for typos though. The dragon poem is very apt.
Yes, these have nice atmosphere, Zara. Keep sharing :).
I really like the second one, but both are really cool!
10 years ago
Tue Nov 26 2013, 04:26pm
Leave Me
Why do you come,
Just to leave me.
I don't want to let you go,
Please don't leave me.
There is nothing more I can do,
To stop you from leaving me.
I'm so alone,
With just the thought.
I'm so afraid,
With just the thought.
I'm so lost,
With the thought of you leaving me,
Leaving me, Leaving me here.
I don't want to let you go,
Because I'm afraid of letting this happen.
Leaving me with no one to love,
I'll try but I will fail.
I'm so alone,
So please tell me you love me,
Because what I am,
What I am,
Is lost without you.
Restless
All alone,
With no one to talk to.
I hear your moans,
Your restless sobs.
Out here,
Under the black sky.
Please don't come,
You won't regret why.
I think I'm going to lose you,
Because your restless.
With no place or song,
Your different.
You have no story, short or long.
This is how you are,
when you are restless.
These are very interesting, i especially like the last sentence of Leave Me. It's a good ending. As i believe others have already said, i would suggest reading through your poems again to check for grammar and spelling errors. Like the first line of Leave Me. so = do, I guess.
Just read through you poems, it will make it easier for us to read when there is less errors, and that way we can look at the actual meaning behind the poem better, instead of the errors that snatch our attention away.
Can't wait to see more! :)
Thanks so much, I really wan't sure if this thing was actually going to anywhere. Yeah, as you can see I'm not much chop at the whole rereading and editing you work thing, but I'll probably get better (at least I hope ;R ).
Randomly wrote a poem. Was indeed feeling really upset by one of the people at school!
Please
Please don't tell my lies,
Don't let these things slip from your poisoned lips.
I realise,
You're not who you really say you are.
Come out clean,
For your smile is a part of me.
Don't tell me that old story,
I've heard once before.
I don't know who you really are,
Show me all your scars.
Please tell me your real,
My heart might be able to heal.
But my trust will ever be complete again,
for you've broken it.
Smashed it on the rocks,
Where my love lay.
I like the themes in this one a lot.
My favorite part is that its asking someone with 'poisoned lips' not to lie- even if they are truthful, they are still not to be trusted perhaps?
The only concrit I can offer is that the sudden appearance of rhyme in the second part of the second stanza (are, scars, real, heal)
disrupts the overall flow.
